Sunday, January 12, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
The Most Important Question You Can Ask Yourself Today
Seriously. Thanks Amy for sharing this. I'm going to have to go back and reflect on this article a lot over the year.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-manson/the-most-important-question_b_4269161.html
Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a care-free, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room.
Everybody wants that -- it's easy to want that.
If I ask you, "What do you want out of life?" and you say something like, "I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like," it's so ubiquitous that it doesn't even mean anything.
Everyone wants that. So what's the point?
What's more interesting to me is what pain do you want? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives end up.
Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence -- but not everyone is willing to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, with the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.
Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship -- but not everyone is willing to go through the tough communication, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder "What if?" for years and years and until the question morphs from "What if?" into "What for?" And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they say, "What was it all for?" If not for their lowered standards and expectations for themselves 20 years prior, then what for?
Because happiness requires struggle. You can only avoid pain for so long before it comes roaring back to life.
At the core of all human behavior, the good feelings we all want are more or less the same. Therefore what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we're willing to sustain.
"Nothing good in life comes easy," we've been told that a hundred times before. The good things in life we accomplish are defined by where we enjoy the suffering, where we enjoy the struggle.
People want an amazing physique. But you don't end up with one unless you legitimately love the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.
People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don't end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to love the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not. Some people are wired for that sort of pain, and those are the ones who succeed.
People want a boyfriend or girlfriend. But you don't end up attracting amazing people without loving the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building the sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings. It's part of the game of love. You can't win if you don't play.
What determines your success is "What pain do you want to sustain?"
I wrote in an article last week that I've always loved the idea of being a surfer, yet I've never made consistent effort to surf regularly. Truth is: I don't enjoy the pain that comes with paddling until my arms go numb and having water shot up my nose repeatedly. It's not for me. The cost outweighs the benefit. And that's fine.
On the other hand, I am willing to live out of a suitcase for months on end, to stammer around in a foreign language for hours with people who speak no English to try and buy a cell phone, to get lost in new cities over and over and over again. Because that's the sort of pain and stress I enjoy sustaining. That's where my passion lies, not just in the pleasures, but in the stress and pain.
There's a lot of self development advice out there that says, "You've just got to want it enough!"
That's only partly true. Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something badly enough. They just aren't being honest with themselves about what they actually want that bad.
If you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the six pack, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs. If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of pissing off a person or ten.
If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe you don't actually want it at all.
So I ask you, "How are you willing to suffer?"
Because you have to choose something. You can't have a pain-free life. It can't all be roses and unicorns.
Choose how you are willing to suffer.
Because that's the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have the same answer.
The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?
Because that answer will actually get you somewhere. It's the question that can change your life. It's what makes me me and you you. It's what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.
So what's it going to be?
Mark Manson is an entrepreneur, author and world traveler. He writes on how people can improve their emotional and dating lives, as well as social commentary and various life experiences at MarkManson.net.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-manson/the-most-important-question_b_4269161.html
The Most Important Question You Can Ask Yourself Today
Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a care-free, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room.
Everybody wants that -- it's easy to want that.
If I ask you, "What do you want out of life?" and you say something like, "I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like," it's so ubiquitous that it doesn't even mean anything.
Everyone wants that. So what's the point?
What's more interesting to me is what pain do you want? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives end up.
Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence -- but not everyone is willing to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, with the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.
Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship -- but not everyone is willing to go through the tough communication, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder "What if?" for years and years and until the question morphs from "What if?" into "What for?" And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they say, "What was it all for?" If not for their lowered standards and expectations for themselves 20 years prior, then what for?
Because happiness requires struggle. You can only avoid pain for so long before it comes roaring back to life.
At the core of all human behavior, the good feelings we all want are more or less the same. Therefore what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we're willing to sustain.
"Nothing good in life comes easy," we've been told that a hundred times before. The good things in life we accomplish are defined by where we enjoy the suffering, where we enjoy the struggle.
People want an amazing physique. But you don't end up with one unless you legitimately love the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.
People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don't end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to love the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not. Some people are wired for that sort of pain, and those are the ones who succeed.
People want a boyfriend or girlfriend. But you don't end up attracting amazing people without loving the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building the sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings. It's part of the game of love. You can't win if you don't play.
What determines your success is "What pain do you want to sustain?"
I wrote in an article last week that I've always loved the idea of being a surfer, yet I've never made consistent effort to surf regularly. Truth is: I don't enjoy the pain that comes with paddling until my arms go numb and having water shot up my nose repeatedly. It's not for me. The cost outweighs the benefit. And that's fine.
On the other hand, I am willing to live out of a suitcase for months on end, to stammer around in a foreign language for hours with people who speak no English to try and buy a cell phone, to get lost in new cities over and over and over again. Because that's the sort of pain and stress I enjoy sustaining. That's where my passion lies, not just in the pleasures, but in the stress and pain.
There's a lot of self development advice out there that says, "You've just got to want it enough!"
That's only partly true. Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something badly enough. They just aren't being honest with themselves about what they actually want that bad.
If you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the six pack, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs. If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of pissing off a person or ten.
If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe you don't actually want it at all.
So I ask you, "How are you willing to suffer?"
Because you have to choose something. You can't have a pain-free life. It can't all be roses and unicorns.
Choose how you are willing to suffer.
Because that's the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have the same answer.
The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?
Because that answer will actually get you somewhere. It's the question that can change your life. It's what makes me me and you you. It's what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.
So what's it going to be?
Mark Manson is an entrepreneur, author and world traveler. He writes on how people can improve their emotional and dating lives, as well as social commentary and various life experiences at MarkManson.net.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
my impending divorce, 30for30
I'm going to interrupt my blogging countdown (or just switch to a different topic, we'll see) by announcing my separation with intention to divorce ALCOHOL. Irreconcilable differences yo.
We've been in a great loving relationship for many years, but I think we need to take a break.
And I'm fairly sure I had a stage 5 hangover this morning. Good lord. It was rough.
It also helps with other aspects of my life....being more financially responsible and being healthier in general.
And new idea....30for30. Basically boils down to:
- Remembering what worked for me in the past. The glorious years of 07/08/09 when I lost about 45 lbs.
- A breakfast, lunch and dinner routine, less meat.
- No alcohol.
- Quality cardio in the gym. I like being outdoors, but I'm not as efficient.
- Tracking my food intake.
- A routine in general. Hopefully I can cut out some of my socializing happy hours, or at least pick healthier locations.
| No time at all sweet honey brown, no time at all. |
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Last published 10/25/13...part 2
Friendships
Hmmm. What can I say here. I've always been blessed with amazing friends. On the flip side of that I've always been...hindered, if you will, by this thought of change/newness/etc.
In short, I've always believed I'm gonna have these great friendships for a few years...like three max, and then move on to the next great friendships. Not any ground shattering reason for not being friends anymore...that just being the natural order of things.
And then I realized fairly recently, that I blew that notion out of the water several years ago. My high school friends, college friends, HEB/LSS/CNL/BAR/Politico even ACLU friends are all beyond my three year 'threshold'. When did that happen?!
But I've never been happier. So I'm glad to have moved on, grown up and disproven that threshold. Mind you, I still juggle people, get stressed out because I'm juggling people. Get involved in new organizations because I'm bored and subsequently meet new people....but I no longer feel like that there's some clock on my arm telling me when my superfun friends are gonna expire. A la:
So yea. A little freeing. And i'm excited to not be on the board of, or in any major membership role of an organization come January. I'm pretty certain it's been since mid-college when I was in this position. I'm gonna enjoy the downtime and maybe casually join a few organizations with no intentions of being on boards for a while. #famouslastwords.
Hmmm. What can I say here. I've always been blessed with amazing friends. On the flip side of that I've always been...hindered, if you will, by this thought of change/newness/etc.
In short, I've always believed I'm gonna have these great friendships for a few years...like three max, and then move on to the next great friendships. Not any ground shattering reason for not being friends anymore...that just being the natural order of things.
And then I realized fairly recently, that I blew that notion out of the water several years ago. My high school friends, college friends, HEB/LSS/CNL/BAR/Politico even ACLU friends are all beyond my three year 'threshold'. When did that happen?!
But I've never been happier. So I'm glad to have moved on, grown up and disproven that threshold. Mind you, I still juggle people, get stressed out because I'm juggling people. Get involved in new organizations because I'm bored and subsequently meet new people....but I no longer feel like that there's some clock on my arm telling me when my superfun friends are gonna expire. A la:
 |
| I admit, I'm ashamed I watched this movie. I'm pretty sure I wasted 5 bucks on demand for it. Ugh. |
Monday, December 23, 2013
Last published 10/25/13...part 1
Whew its been awhile...thanks Phillip for reminding me I have a blog that I'm really bad about writing in. But warning this maybe more of a ramble vs. a blog with actual linear thoughts.
I'm sitting here on day one of vacation thinking about the year in review and the upcoming year. And I just want to write about selected topics. Maybe I'll do a couple before the new year. I'm about to outline the hell out of 2013/2014 yall!
Work
Be more open-minded. I know how I operate and what working style makes me happy. If I could sit in my office alone for a month and catch up on everything, I'd be a much happier/social person. I'm going to work on becoming a better colleague and more open-minded about....a lot of things. I would also burn myself out, as I kinda did when I was trying to accomplish so much before the end of the year. I want to find the balance I been looking for for awhile. Not just the work/life balance, but the work friendships/work balance, the day-to-day work/career track balance and the day-to-day work/big ideas balance. Something truly did click around my 29th birthday. I've missed politics so much, but I just let it go and really moved on to the next. Now my career goals are somewhere in between growing where I am or growing where I am and planning for something bigger in a different career. It's going to be a fun ride. It involves the kind of follow through that has rarely gotten to happen for me, because I've worked in such short term projects before. It also involves the kind of long term thinking I wanted to have at my last job, but it wasnt a large enough organization to take advantage of that.
I love where I work and what I do. The question will be, can I say that in a few years.
Next up - Friendships. Maybe in a few hours or tomorrow...
I'm sitting here on day one of vacation thinking about the year in review and the upcoming year. And I just want to write about selected topics. Maybe I'll do a couple before the new year. I'm about to outline the hell out of 2013/2014 yall!
- Work
- Friendships
- School
- Health
- Endurance Sports
- Hobbies
- Organizations
- Relationships
- Money
- Turning 30
- Weddings
- Birthdays
- Business Ideas
- Me.
Work
Be more open-minded. I know how I operate and what working style makes me happy. If I could sit in my office alone for a month and catch up on everything, I'd be a much happier/social person. I'm going to work on becoming a better colleague and more open-minded about....a lot of things. I would also burn myself out, as I kinda did when I was trying to accomplish so much before the end of the year. I want to find the balance I been looking for for awhile. Not just the work/life balance, but the work friendships/work balance, the day-to-day work/career track balance and the day-to-day work/big ideas balance. Something truly did click around my 29th birthday. I've missed politics so much, but I just let it go and really moved on to the next. Now my career goals are somewhere in between growing where I am or growing where I am and planning for something bigger in a different career. It's going to be a fun ride. It involves the kind of follow through that has rarely gotten to happen for me, because I've worked in such short term projects before. It also involves the kind of long term thinking I wanted to have at my last job, but it wasnt a large enough organization to take advantage of that.
I love where I work and what I do. The question will be, can I say that in a few years.
Next up - Friendships. Maybe in a few hours or tomorrow...
Friday, October 25, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Biking and such
Dusted this sucker off on Sunday. So though I didn't do my Sunday plank I at least did something.
Pretty certain I haven't been on a bike since sometime in June. And for more than the 18 and change miles Tanya and I did Sunday, since the MS150. Gotta get back healthy.
It was funny because I'm fairly certain the last time I was biking with Tanya was about 10 miles after this pic was taken a little over a year ago. Maybe not, but that's the last time I remember since she didn't do the MS150. Gotta exorcise the Vegas demons, internet.
One day I'll get those last 5 miles in.
 |
| #vivabikevegas #hooverdam #hardestrideever |
I think fall gets me in a better mindset to workout. I need to get that focus back. With that said morning run complete. At memorial park and all.
