we just have fundamentally different beliefs...
because if you had to deal with the pressure of being me,
the overwhelming belief by society that you're just some lazy hoodrat,
that you're just another slut, baby mama, whore,
that you're lazy, unintelligent,undeserving,
that you grew up in the hood so you'll never amount to anything,
that you grew up in a single parent home so you'll never amount to anything,
that society and the stereotypes think the worst of you (but the best of your asian friends, your white friends and all other minority friends, except muslim or latino)
that you had to grow up remembering:
that time your car was egged and people yelled racial slurs at you in pasadena, because you were driving through the last known kkk hq in houston
everytime some little old white lady has clutched her purse in fear when you're the only person on the elevator
the first time driving alone being pulled over for no reason (still have a no speeding ticket, spotless record)
the first time youve been stolen from, or rather everytime your house has been broken into (5)
that the more you 'act white' i.e. the more you:
study & make good grades
don't use slang
listen to music other than r&b and rap
exercise (god forbid cycling or running)
aspire to be something better than what you came from
the more you're ridiculed and alienated.
because if you had to deal with that pressure.
that feeling of being alone and misunderstood by everyone.
every.single.day.
you couldn't think the worst of people.
because if you did, you'd be beyond fucked up and broken down.
you would be paranoid and angry your entire life
so I can't be that person.
I have to believe that that little old lady has some personal experience that makes her afraid of me and not some blanket assumption about black people.
I have to believe that there was a reason other than driving while black that i've been pulled over, despite my perfect, ticketless record and up to date insurance and car tags. I have to believe that I've been made to get out of my car and embarrassed on the street (and probably let off pretty easy because my wallet was in my backpack full of books in college) because someone with a description really similar to me just committed a crime, not simply because I'm a minority.
I have to believe that those people ridiculing me for 'acting white' are just ignorant and dont know any better, and I should feel sorry of their small world view instead of angry that once again, I'm being made fun of for being smart.
I have to believe that when some person makes a erroneous blanket statement, they are basing that on someone they personally know, and not stereotypes or media soundbytes, and I shouldn't take it personally.
I have to believe that.
Because otherwise, what's the point?
And that fundamental belief in good, though admittedly I don't always believe that, is something that will always define me. And I guess thats where we will differ.
Too much thinking. I'm going to sleep.
because if you had to deal with the pressure of being me,
the overwhelming belief by society that you're just some lazy hoodrat,
that you're just another slut, baby mama, whore,
that you're lazy, unintelligent,undeserving,
that you grew up in the hood so you'll never amount to anything,
that you grew up in a single parent home so you'll never amount to anything,
that society and the stereotypes think the worst of you (but the best of your asian friends, your white friends and all other minority friends, except muslim or latino)
that you had to grow up remembering:
that time your car was egged and people yelled racial slurs at you in pasadena, because you were driving through the last known kkk hq in houston
everytime some little old white lady has clutched her purse in fear when you're the only person on the elevator
the first time driving alone being pulled over for no reason (still have a no speeding ticket, spotless record)
the first time youve been stolen from, or rather everytime your house has been broken into (5)
that the more you 'act white' i.e. the more you:
study & make good grades
don't use slang
listen to music other than r&b and rap
exercise (god forbid cycling or running)
aspire to be something better than what you came from
the more you're ridiculed and alienated.
because if you had to deal with that pressure.
that feeling of being alone and misunderstood by everyone.
every.single.day.
you couldn't think the worst of people.
because if you did, you'd be beyond fucked up and broken down.
you would be paranoid and angry your entire life
so I can't be that person.
I have to believe that that little old lady has some personal experience that makes her afraid of me and not some blanket assumption about black people.
I have to believe that there was a reason other than driving while black that i've been pulled over, despite my perfect, ticketless record and up to date insurance and car tags. I have to believe that I've been made to get out of my car and embarrassed on the street (and probably let off pretty easy because my wallet was in my backpack full of books in college) because someone with a description really similar to me just committed a crime, not simply because I'm a minority.
I have to believe that those people ridiculing me for 'acting white' are just ignorant and dont know any better, and I should feel sorry of their small world view instead of angry that once again, I'm being made fun of for being smart.
I have to believe that when some person makes a erroneous blanket statement, they are basing that on someone they personally know, and not stereotypes or media soundbytes, and I shouldn't take it personally.
I have to believe that.
Because otherwise, what's the point?
And that fundamental belief in good, though admittedly I don't always believe that, is something that will always define me. And I guess thats where we will differ.
Too much thinking. I'm going to sleep.
